i feed on pain

i feed me pain

i know it's not normal and not good for me everytime a push myself in reading something and looking on something that brings pain to me....but

still i can't help my urge in reading and looking on something...

it's like i do it so as i could percieve how of a scale the pain is...

then i drown on pain...

like what they say 'distraction for addiction'

i distract myself not on something far beyond what makes me unhappy, but on those that give me alot of unhappiness...

im a self confess saddist for that matter...

i feed on pain

i feed me pain

i live by pain

pain

pain

pain

and for that

im scared of me

im scared of being alone with me now...

i must have been absorbing the quote 'no pain no gain' for quite sometime now...

i don't hate god

i don't hate her

i don't hate you

i hate me...therefore i inflict pain on me...

im scared

but one things for sure, being aware of this abnormality does make me only acute carrier of this personality disorder...acute meaning,im still cureable....