4:00pm

AGRAM p/s

mother's day

I've never really talked about this.not ever...

In some point when I was young I did feel left out, being the middle child, everybody thought I would be the-less-attention-wanting one.You,know,my eldest sister, practically being the eldest and my younger sister being the baby.me,the no body.

I've always felt the need to be in competition with my sister all the time but,in a subtle way,coz I was all down to it,I was perfectly aware of all our difference so its not much of a news now really.I had my own thing they had there own thing.

My eldest sister, on the wild side and she's all into that.My younger sister, more into being self-absorb-geeky-incompetent-suck-up-self of her.Me? me I have my own thing.I'm good on almost anything "womanly" I do fixer-upper, I do hobbies, I cook, I at some point get to be incharge, thats me.yup thats my sorry ass.

I was aware that I'm always in competition with my sister but never did it bother me biggy, you know?(maybe because as average as I am,I, deep down,know that family is always always like that)

It's all normal to me, I wasn't the love child.I wasn't the baby, I was just the middle child.sister number 2.kid number 2.and i get it.

But when you dedicate your life trying so hard to be noticed loved, by a parent, or perhaps two.You get into thinking...when will I ever be in the same wavelength of affection as to the one they give my sister.To what my mom gives my sisters.

Valierie, 26, KID #1,love child.we kids (one year apart) no husband, not a wife, the classic.mom?floods her with love, her kids with love.takes them all with love.

Julien,20, KID#3, the baby, a brat on her own right.stubborn, as the next fat dog, doesn't care.mom?rants all the time along with floods of love.

Shanna,23,KID#2,the nobody.lets see...didn't get wedlocked (excuse the french), became an aunt, the maid and the mom.popular with forget thy self but not them mom?hmm...nadda..

FYI who ever popularized the cliche "you don't need to feel love coz you know it" or whatever.well, BULSHIT..I need to know and I need to feel damnit.

I have been competing with my mom's affection to my sister for ages and I have never felt that somehow I succeeded..and now? I get to be competing with my niece and nephew.life is good...NOT

It's mothers day. I bullied my sister to pitch in for a special cake just for today- I decided i wanna do salad and pasta.I slaved my ass all night, last night, fixing everything for the salad,(making it advance to get it cold and going) and the kitten jump on my chicken and ate it all.arent they cute?killer cute I say? and who got the kittens? my niece.who told them not to?me!who told them its okey?my mom!and who got the scolding for taking it out on the niece?me!.although what I did was really out of it,derrannged as we speak, but thats entirely a different story.

Its really petty really...really.All I wanted is to give something special for my mom. To show that I care and well,well,well...you don't learn shanna do you?...It doesn't matter.It's not changing.I had my expectations too high

I've never really talked about this (or wrote about this) ever...until now.hoping by chance one,someone in my family reads it..

but then again...

dream..