it is never easy..

In what part of a daughter's life.. is it right to feel anger towards her father?..
I wonder if ever I'm called pre- mature adolescent for feeling anger..just now..when its seems I'm old enough to have my own life separate from theirs..
I use to wonder before how come my friends aren't that close with there fathers...i get it that some aren't close with there moms, me being unclose with my own, but with fathers, i don't really get it.

they say I'm just bias coz i was always the daddy's pet..i get what i want and all that.
in the business world they call me 'juniora' being that they assume for all those time i spend helping my dad take over the store...i was like the next him when it comes down to it..
I've always refuse the comments that i look more like my mom, coz i really wanted to be looking like my dad, but you know, the NOSE ALWAYS gave me away.

i forgot when it started..but i felt when it started..a few months now..

i felt the coldness
i use to brush it of to excuses such as stress, work, time
i didn't believe, because i refuse to believe my dad could be just like some dads i know..i refuse to accept...so i assume things to be my fault.

there was this time, not long, if ever I'm away from home, my dad would convince me to come home, early, stay home and help him..

it has been months that it seems, my presence agitates him..

we don't talk much anymore, we don't dine together anymore.
the only time he speaks to me, for almost all the time, is when his yelling at me for something so futile, or for something so-not-a big-deal-but-to-him-big.


for the record:
me and my dad,were not like others, we aren't those huggable kind.
we connect on things different..
but it was always enough..you know...


not now..

just now, after lunch break, before going home, he called for me to explain how Ive been stupid enough to sign a receipts for a delivery which isn't complete yet...same thing that got him yelling at me last night..repeating it just now..
he cant seem to get over how I've been out of it..
he yells, i look away, he yells some more, i don't listen..
and the phone rings..
i got dismissed..

he knows i know..
that's why his agitated towards me..
he knows i know
he knows i know long before my sisters and my mom found out..
i was the first to discover it.

the phone call got me dismissed
he told my mom its over
he told himself to tell us it was over
i got dismissed coz the phone call will tell me that things aren't over.

pathetic
for i guy turning 50...to have an affair with a girl 26 years younger than he is..

so it boils down to my question:
when is it right for a daughter to feel anger towards his father?for making her feel that things are her fault...but isn't really...?

he hates me
my dad hates me.
I'm 24 years old and my dad hates me
coz his having an affair with a whore my age
he hates me coz i know
he hates me coz his ashamed

the thing he doesn't know...

I'm starting to hate him
I'm starting too
and if i get there...
i don't think i can come back...