look up

Things are finally looking up.
The moment I let go of my objections with praying, and started really praying....things are finally looking up...
its scary shit that KARMA comes digital now.

My life, for the past few month has been, and is still is, a rollercoaster ride. rollercoaster after riding the ferry's wheel and the carousel. And eating all that hotdogs and popcorn.
I count more DOWN days than good days, but I kept fighting, fighting it my way.

There are choices in your life that are really very hard to do. Choices that can make or break you. Choices that WILL change you. Choices.

I was having conversation about suitcases with a workmate. Old suitcase and New suitcase. And it brought up a lot of "what if", a lot of options, a lot of maybe's. It hunts me.

I've learned the hard way that wanting everything all at the same time, is never the right way. Never.

I am torn between, fighting for what I know is right. And letting go and waiting for that time to come.

Things are finally looking up, but I am more confuse than ever.

When people ask me, "why are you still here?" the only thing I can say is " I see change". I may not be the brightest color in the box, but I sure am not the dullest. I see change. I feel change. I know that somewhere, deep in that soul is a lost and confused boy.
I have read a lot of self help books, relationship and spiritual inspirational books, believe me, I have. But at the end of the day, it all boils down to choices. Choices.

And this is my choice.

I may not be 100% happy now, but I know I will. Eventually. Or not. Either way, I only have me to blame.
choices.